Today details of the 2018 the Rooms of Gloom Competition were announce following a long and difficult meeting of the International Fixtures and Handicaps Committee held, as is traditional, in a bar somewhere.

“Probably the most important 18 holes of the year” says millionaire philanthropist MK Seve from the comfort of his pint of Speckled Hen.

One of the Committee’s most difficult decisions was agreeing on the handicap of this years Rookie , young Tony Bryan, who joins the tour for 2018. After much deliberation, the studying of statistics and figures, a 2 hour presentation from Hoppy Dearsley and some seriously pathetic moaning from the Right Honorable Slop Rushal O.B the members completely lost interest. Luckily agreement was reached in a sub committee meeting in a smaller room ( The Lavy Suite) and Tony’s Handicap has been set at 18, that’s eighteen.

Robo Cop star Nigel Carby refused to comment, mainly because he was choking on his sausage roll. Nigel later commented that bearing in mind he was having his head completely rebuilt two days before the event the whole thing was ridiculously unfair and he may throw his toys out of the pram at any moment.

Lord Chilly of Uzalem did manage a few pithy words:

“That will sort him out !”

International fixtures Secretary Hoppy Dearsley clarified the situation:

“Look it is a fair call ! We’ve all been bloody struggling for years, this boy is young and fit, well he can walk unaided for a couple of hours , which is more than can be said for most of us! It will give the lad a fair crack of the whip, if Carby remembers to bring it with him ?”

So there it is “The Rooms of Gloom” 2018.

Good Luck Chaps !