Pretty Alice Exclusive Insider Interviews With Portugal **Asterisks** Tour Players – Exclusive !!
Pretty Alice arrives in his brand new car to interview the 2020 Portugal…’asterisk’…tour players.
“Gentlemen, what is your biggest concern with the tour being played overseas for the first time?”
Hoppy….”The grass.”
Chilli…….”What’s wrong with the grass?”
Slop……..”No superboc.”
Tony……..”The par 3s, the par4s and the par 5s.”
MK……….”Well, defending for the second consecutive time is concerning. There is this constant pressure to perform the hat trick. Many of my fellow competitors have been on superb form this season already. Concerning Hoppy, he is top of the money list. Concerning Honest John, he has just annihilated Oakmere for the umpteenth time. There is so much of concern that I am concerned. Concerning your question about concern, I am naturally concernatious and that is concerning in itself as I am sure you are concerned about too, concerning one thing and another, particularly the concern.”
Monty……..”Concern? Me?”
Honest John……”Wind.”
Sir Michael………”.
.”
“Who do you think is your greatest threat?”
Chilli………”Hoppy, what’s wrong with the grass?”
Tony……….”Er….er….er….er…………’im.”
Monty…….”Sir Michael. What?….he’s not playing? Oh. Well, well that’s good. No-one then.”
Slop……….”Trump.”
MK…………”Well, defending for the second consecutive time is concerning. I have only myself to fear. I feel free of all pressure as I have won this tour the last two times it was played, and I have to remind you that they were on home ground. This particular tour has a huge ‘asterisk’ over it so if I win yet again it will be a truly extraordinary achievement that no other player has ever realized, but if I lose…… is that even possible do you think?….IF I lose it will remain a doubtful result due to its potential illegitimacy. A two times….that is two consecutive times…..winner is reward enough. No other competitor can achieve that this year. I am a very special person.”
Honest John……”HMRC.”
Hoppy…………..”Apple.”
Sir Michael…..”
.”
“What is your greatest strength?”
Hoppy……….” ‘Appiness.”
Honest John…”EBAY.”
Tony…………..”The par 3s, the par 4s and the par 5s.”
Slop………… “Guinness.”
Sir Michael……”
.”
Monty………..”Right arm.”
MK……….”That is a tricky question. Of course all aspects of my game are exceptional…they have to be to become a two time champion…that is two consecutive times champion. Two years on the trot. Winning once and then winning yet again the very next year. That is my greatest strength, winning every year…. that is every single year… since 2017. No other player has that particular feather in their arrow. You might well ask if it is a concern. Well, yes it is a humungous concern to all the other second rate players in this tour and has been for the last two years….since 2017. I would be concerned if I were them, but fortunately I am not. I am a two times winner…that is two……..
“Thank you MK. Finally may I ask……..
Chilli………”hang on what about me? And what’s wrong with the grass. Hoppy?”
“May I ask your opinion of social distancing in golf?”
MK……….”I have noticed no-one wants to be near me anymore. Its not surprising really since I am a two times consecutive champion…champion since 2017…..no other player has ever…..
“Thank you, MK”
Monty…….”You may. I use a 6 iron, unless it’s windy.”
Tony………”How far is that?”
Honest John…..”I have never voted for them.”
Slop……….”I just order 14 pints in one go.”
Hoppy…….”Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”
Sir Michael…”.
.”
Chilli………..”They don’t do that in Thailand. Now for the last frigging time, Hoppy, what’s wrong with the fecking grass?”
Pretty Alice returned to his brand new car………but the wheels fell off.
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