6 gruelling days in 25 degrees of Algarve sunshine ! It was the Portugal Tour 2022 – All the Drama you were looking for ! – and all The Bananarama you expected !

Day 1 at Millennium , the Boys were back in town. The greens were slick, the fairways lush and Kingey was on form smashing in 37 points in a dramatic opening day. A number of Players had to seek stress counselling during the first round, Mick R was found wandering in the bull rushes on the 18th and Hoppy Dearsley , having been in so many bunkers, had joined a tribe of Bedouin Arabs and could not be found for over 90 minutes.

Day 2 saw the men return to the Old Course, which was in perfect condition. The sun continued to shine as Hoppy Dearsley bullied his way up the Leader Board with a fine 36 points. Mick R started to find some form with 34 points, but then could not remember where he had put it ! At the end of day 2 Kingey was top of the list and took the 36th “IF Classic” with a memorable 69 points.

Day 3 was Vale da Pinta and big Tony Bryan, still slightly traumatised by the 2019 incident at this venue when his clubs were taken out by an out of control buggy mounted Draft, led the field with a stunning 39 points which won him the Portugos Classico with 104 points. This mammoth score beat Clive into 2nd on 99, Nigel Carby on 96 and Chilly in 4th with 94. The rest of the field were treated with Super Bock and Portuguese beef rolls by local well wishers.

That is 3 different winners in 3 days ! The tension was palpable and hung in the air, (or was that Nigel ?) as the Players took a well deserved rest day. Special evening entertainment had been arranged at the Players encampment and the ensemble enjoyed the FA Cup Final and of course The Eurovision Song Contest , all arranged by Monty Monty Entertainments Ltd.

Day 4 heralded a visit to a new venue Vale de Lobo “Larangal”. The superb course lay in wait for the now well rested Players when confusion struck and various electronic GPS devices started to malfunction. After much panic and fowl language the first 4 ball returned from Faro airport , where they had been in search of the 2nd Tee , and the game continued. Chilly carded a 37 point win thrusting himself into the lead whilst the rest of the field contemplated the ridiculous number of lakes on the course. 2 players joined a local sailing club during the round into which they were welcomed by the locals. Sadly they were not allowed to keep the sailors’ uniforms.

Day 5 it is O’Connor Jnr. Step up MK Seve ! In his pre match interview MK had stated that he was ready for the challenge. “

“I’m ready for the challenge” he said.

MK hit 37 points on a day when the average score was less than 26. A magnificent performance which won MK The Peter Crowhurst Celebration Trophy for the first Time.

“This is what I was after” He said over his Cheapy Chicken dinner later in the day. “Today I was poised for victory. Some of the players showed trepidation but I , as you know, have no fear ! Well actually I have quite a lot of fear really and on two occasions I nearly pooed myself. But don’t print that will you.”

The Final Day started with the promise of 27 degrees, sunshine and the pleasure of playing a very well prepared Pinhal golf course. Nigel and Chill were in the lead with Clive 2 points adrift and Tony 4 points behind.

Game on !

After the front 9 No change at the top but Nigel’s leg had dropped off and Tony was struggling with Hedge Fund issues. The back 9 saw Hoppy Dearsley gallantly moving into a 2 point lead after making Par on the first 3 holes. But as the afternoon sun beamed down Lord Chilly dug in and going into the last he was back with a 2 point lead. Dearsley lipped out for a 5 on the last leaving Chilly with 2 putts for victory and his trusty putter saw him home.

Well done Champion 2022 Lord Chilly of Uzerlam. A fine victory off a punishing handicap.

Laranjal Sailing Club.