Portugal 2025 Competitions and Handicap Rules:

At a hastily convened Press Conference today Hoppy Dearsley , Supreme Commander of the International Handicap and Competitions Committee re-iterated the now familiar Portugal Tour Competitions and Handicap Rules :

“This Year Gentlemen there is a new man joining the Team and some returning Players who, no doubt, will have completely forgotten how the Competitions work.

Well here it is set out in simplistic detail as ever.”

“No it’s not”………………”Shut Up”

“Questions and suggestions will as always be welcome.

Please e-mail dontgiveafuck@golfok.co.uk. The very attentive support team will respond within weeks.”

There will be an opportunity to discuss The Concessionaires, the finer detail and minutia of the rules including putting out , score cards, talking whilst Mr Chilly is within 250 yards , and what to do if Players can’t find their way home, at the Chairman’s Opening Address on Wednesday 7th May (Venue Oh Cafe) at around 6 pm or Super Bock time, whichever comes first. Please bring Cash (125 Euros) and a little more for Lt Colonel Carby’s Lost Ball Sweep.”

With that the Press Corps departed and it all went quiet.